The divine guidance often comes when the horizon is the blackest. – Mahatma Gandhi
Misery loves company. Sulking and self destruction seems to be more prominent in the USA than any where I’ve seen e.g. all the homeless using drugs and tented near a major highway. Misery reforms to choice – to justify self destruction.
Working through agony and grief could have the most positive impact on anyones life. When tragedy strikes, there is no point in me telling you not to grieve and instead to live life as if it were a dream. Life may be a dream and a play in the eyes of God, but we are stuck with the nightmares.
During times of stress, work out your grief, because until you are able to thoroughly experience you pain, it will be harder to deal with any new possibilities. However, avoid indulging in excess misery. Keep you misfortune private and only share it with those who can truly support you.
Reed received his layoff notice from recent layoffs just before Christmas. He felt devastated and hurt when he walked out of his office, but when he got home he tried to tell his wife about his ill fate with dignity and courage. He wanted to act like a “man,” to suppress his emotions. However, his wife, Charlotte, knew he hurt deeply, so she tried to get him to talk about the incident. At first she had tremendous difficulty getting him to open up, but finally he wept out loud and continued uncontrollably. As he wept, he poured out his worries – the guilt he felt over losing his job and other problems that he had carried hidden in him for a long time. He cried for three days.
The second day, after a sleepless night, he went out in the morning to the corner liquor store. The shop clerk, an intelligent-looking middle-aged man, asked him if he was celebrating Christmas early. Reed told him no, but that he had just lost his job.
“I understand,” the clerk said. “I was in marketing and sales at a large corporation. But after I lost my job, my wife and kids left me, and I ended up working here.”
Instantly the tears welled up in both of their eyes. At that instant, they both felt the depth of their wounds.
Reed normally didn’t drink much, but after finishing off his beer that afternoon he wished to return to the liquor store, replenish his supply, and continue his conversation with the clerk. Charlotte told him not to commiserate with the liquor store clerk because it would only exacerbate Reed’s own feelings of failure. She felt that Reed might develop the idea that he shared the same fate and would end up like the clerk. “Misery loves company,” she said. “Visiting the clerk will only compound the pain for both of you.”
After three days of weeping and drinking, Reed was emotionally and physically depleted, but he picked himself up and started talking with Charlotte about what he should do next. They scoured job ads, took inventory of their assets, borrowed books from the library on how to change careers, and read up on ways to write a dynamic résumé. Reed made finding a job his full-time work. Within three weeks, he had five interviews and eventually landed a better position than his old job – one with a higher salary, two weeks more vacation time, and only four workdays a week.
When you are in times of pain, this is the moment when you need your most focus – which is incredibly difficult to collect. It’s highly important to only share with those you truly trust, because anyone else will acknowledge your pain then keep their distance from you. Hide your vulnerability from people outside your circle of trust. Then use your time of inactivity to conjure strength because this type of strength is rare and character building. The divine guidance from our nightmares are sometimes missed completely.
Corey Stevenson, 2/10/2024